Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Counting my blessings

so life lately has been harsh on some aspects and great with others. actually my job has sucked the life out of me and made me see everything through a depressing lens. i've talked a little bit already on this blog and twitter about my job and how much it sucks. while i love being able to just SAY IT, and have really appreciated your support and comments and general help, i also think that when you keep talking about a situation you don't like it puts you in a bad mindset...
so one day, when i was very aggressive and pissed and sad and having all those feelings, and couldn't really explain why, i sat down in front of my Filofax. i decided to write down a list of all the things i hate/don't like in my life right now, things that bug me, make me mad, make me sad. my challenge was to be able to list 10 of them, and i thought it would be sooo easy to do. Turns out, i had a hard time filling that page!
when that was done, i felt so much better! everything negative was laid down in front of me, for me to contemplate and act on it if i could, or when i couldn't, for me to measure it and decide how much i would let it affect me. i can't begin to tell you how 'zen' i felt! to continue with the exercise i decided to list the 20 things i love most right now. much easier to fill that page! you'll see i have included big things as well as very small things, but i guess life is just as much about the small things than the big :)
i've tried to do a Gratitude List many times, like a lot of you do, but always had a hard time with the consistency of doing it every day or every week. but doing it this way, when i was angry and needed to readjust my vision of things, that really helped. i'll do it again, and if you've never done it i say you should try next time you're feeling down :)

10 i don't like:
1. my future parents in law
2. my job
3. having my friends and family living far away
4. being tight on money
5. feeling ugly in my clothes/make up
6. the cold weather settling
7. my insecurities
8. my awful procrastination, and the fact that i procrastinate about doing something about it!
9. my health issues
10. my 'fear' of driving

20 i love:
1. my fiancé
2. my parents
3. my apartment
4. having a job
5. living in the country side!
6. my awesome phone
7. my pretty car
8. having nice things (my coffee machine, my shoes, my leather jackets... material girl much??)
9. my Filofaxes! and my stationery. that makes me very happy
10. meeting people in this new city we moved to
11. the interwebs! twitter and Philofaxy people, i may not always participate but i love reading it all!
12. studying
13. my body since i lost the weight
14. slowly decorating our house and feeling that, this time, we're here to stay
15. my Kindle, and reading in general
16. cooking and eating good food!
17. listening to classical music at work
18. being able to be happy and generally ok when i'm alone
19. not being afraid of other people's opinion anymore (still working on it though :) )
20. being happy and thankful for my life <3

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